A woman recently expressed her distress over unsolicited comments regarding her curly hair, which has grown back following her battle with cancer last year. In a letter to the renowned etiquette columnist Judith Martin, known by her pen name Miss Manners, she described how well-meaning remarks about her appearance serve as painful reminders of her health struggles.
After undergoing treatment, the woman has been recovering but finds the reactions to her curly hair challenging. Despite her attempts to communicate her discomfort, she continues to encounter comments that are both frequent and distressing. “It’s so curly!” is a phrase she hears regularly from acquaintances at her church and gym, despite her requests for them to refrain from mentioning it.
Confronting Unwanted Attention
Miss Manners addressed the issue, acknowledging the difficulty many face when dealing with unsolicited remarks about their appearance. The columnist pointed out that such comments are often viewed as compliments, even when they may not be received as intended. She noted that the woman’s tears at the gym likely did not prompt the offending individual to reconsider her behavior.
“Unfortunately, there is no legal way to stop foolish people from informing others how they look,” Miss Manners wrote, highlighting a social tendency to comment on noticeable traits, whether it be height, weight, or, in this case, hair texture. The columnist suggested that a silent, humorless stare might effectively discourage further commentary, as it can signal to the individual that their remarks are unwelcome.
The woman pointed out that it may take up to two years for her hair to reach a length that feels comfortable and feminine to her. As she navigates this recovery phase, she seeks ways to manage the constant reminders of her past struggles.
Seeking Solutions
Miss Manners offered little hope for retraining those who are determined to comment on appearances. Instead, she emphasized the importance of prioritizing one’s emotional well-being over others’ opinions.
The woman’s experience resonates with many who have faced similar challenges following personal health battles. The emotional toll of reminders about past trauma can be significant, particularly when recovery is still a work in progress. Judith Martin’s insights highlight the ongoing conversation about empathy and sensitivity regarding personal struggles, encouraging a more thoughtful approach to interpersonal interactions.
As this woman continues her journey of recovery and self-acceptance, her story serves as a reminder of the complexities surrounding personal appearance and the impact of well-intentioned words.
