A recent discussion in a sex advice column addressed a common yet often overlooked issue concerning women’s sexual experiences—orgasm anxiety. The column featured a letter from a woman in her early 40s, who expressed her struggle to embrace the full experience of orgasm due to fear of an overwhelming physical response, which she described as similar to “wetting the bed.” This concern highlights the complexities surrounding female sexuality and the stigma that can accompany it.
The writer, identified only as “Rode Hard and Put Back Wet,” shared her journey of sexual exploration over nearly three decades. Despite her knowledge and interest in sexual health, she reported having only experienced a complete orgasm fewer than five times. Each time, the resulting physical release led to feelings of embarrassment and discomfort, particularly with partners who reacted negatively. This fear has made it challenging for her to fully engage in sexual activity, even when alone.
In response, the column’s authors, Stoya and Rich, emphasized the importance of understanding one’s own body and the subjective nature of physical responses. They suggested that what she experiences might indeed fall under the category of squirting, which varies significantly among individuals. By recognizing this, she could potentially alleviate some of the stigma and anxiety associated with her experience.
The authors encouraged her to explore various strategies to manage her fears, including changing the environment in which she engages in sexual activity. They recommended that she consider masturbation in a tub or other spaces where cleanliness is less of a concern. They also highlighted the value of using protective materials, such as puppy pads or washable blankets, to ease the anxiety around messiness.
Stoya and Rich’s response underscored a broader conversation about the normalization of female sexual responses, including squirting. They cited insights from sex educators like Lola Jean and Madison Young, who have shared their experiences and coping mechanisms for managing similar situations. For instance, Lola Jean noted the importance of accepting one’s body and its responses, while also offering practical advice to minimize the mess during intimate encounters.
Another letter in the same column raised questions about sexual hygiene after frequent encounters. The writer, known as “How Much Is Too Much?”, expressed concern over the frequency of washing sheets after sex, especially after moving in with a partner. Experts generally agree that sheets do not need to be washed after every encounter, provided there are no significant messes. They suggested setting a schedule to change sheets weekly and utilizing sex blankets or towels to protect bedding.
In a different query, titled “Risky Business,” a reader explored the complexities of fantasies involving group sex. She expressed interest in a scenario that involved multiple partners and desired to incorporate elements of BDSM, including bondage and consensual non-consent (CNC). Recognizing the risks associated with such fantasies, the column emphasized the importance of establishing trust and open communication with partners. It suggested exploring local sex clubs or parties with clear consent guidelines as potential environments to safely explore these interests.
This collection of letters illustrates the ongoing need for open dialogue regarding female sexual health and satisfaction. As conversations around sexuality become more prevalent, it is essential to address the anxieties and misconceptions that can impede personal fulfillment. By fostering an environment of understanding and acceptance, individuals can work towards achieving a more fulfilling sexual experience, free from shame and stigma.
Ultimately, the writers of the column encouraged readers to embrace their desires, pursue knowledge about their bodies, and seek supportive communities that respect individual experiences.
