Navigating Uncertainty: A Freshman’s Journey at University

As students transition to university life, many grapple with uncertainty and self-doubt. For Vidhi Bansal, a freshman studying Neuroscience from Upper Saddle River, N.J., these feelings have been particularly pronounced. Bansal reflects on her experiences as she navigates the complex landscape of higher education, questioning whether she is making the right choices.

From Overthinking to Personal Growth

Bansal’s journey began in high school, where the question, “Am I doing this right?” often consumed her thoughts. She struggled with perfectionism, revising emails multiple times and freezing during presentations. A quote by Maya Angelou inspired her: “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.” This mantra provided comfort, reinforcing her belief that mistakes were simply stepping stones to improvement.

However, a recent reading of Anthony Doerr’s novel, All the Light We Cannot See, challenged this perspective. Bansal found herself captivated by the blind protagonist’s father, who painstakingly measured cities to reconstruct them in miniature for his daughter. Despite his dedication, he was riddled with self-doubt, questioning his abilities as a father and whether he truly understood the rules of parenthood. Bansal connected deeply with this uncertainty, wondering if anyone truly knew how to navigate life’s complexities.

Exploring New Opportunities

Entering college, Bansal faced the daunting prospect of a fresh start. The Student Involvement Fair became a pivotal moment for her, filled with excitement yet overshadowed by anxiety. Each table represented a potential new friendship or passion, but also the fear of making the wrong choice. She collected flyers and scanned QR codes, torn between the thrill of discovery and the dread of wasted time.

Despite her efforts, many of her experiences felt hollow. She participated in group meetings, sharing trivial details about herself, yet leaving without forming meaningful connections. Receiving a congratulatory email for a club membership brought mixed feelings; it was a reminder of her commitment, but also of her internal struggle. “Am I doing this right?” became a recurring thought, prompting her to evaluate her choices.

Bansal sometimes stepped back from commitments, believing she could not give them her all. This decision, while initially relieving, often led to regret. The fear of missing out on unique opportunities haunted her: “What if that was the night I could have discovered a passion for dance or tutoring?”

Relationships also posed challenges. Conversations with friends became a game of distance and noise, leaving her questioning her ability to maintain connections. The simplistic expression of “I miss you” felt inadequate, prompting her to wonder about her effectiveness as a friend.

Embracing the Challenge of Listening

In her quest for clarity, Bansal discovered A Place to Talk, a program designed to improve listening skills. Here, she learned to resist the urge to fill silences, training herself to embrace discomfort and become a more attentive listener. This experience shifted her perspective: instead of viewing knowledge as a gift that arrives with time, she recognized it as a skill to be actively pursued.

Her understanding of Angelou’s words transformed; they became a call to immediate action rather than a promise of future growth. “Knowing better is not a gift that arrives in hindsight,” she realized. “It is a practice to pursue daily and deliberately.”

Bansal’s journey through university reflects a broader experience shared by many students. As they navigate the complexities of adulthood, the challenge lies not merely in seeking knowledge but in actively engaging with their uncertainties. The focus shifts from waiting for clarity to embracing the present and making informed choices.

Bansal’s story illustrates the ongoing struggle between doubt and action, highlighting the importance of resilience in the face of uncertainty. College may not offer a clean slate, but it does provide opportunities for growth, learning, and connection.

As Bansal continues her journey, she embodies the spirit of exploration, reminding us that the quest for understanding is an ever-evolving process. Each decision, whether right or wrong, contributes to the rich tapestry of life experiences that shape who we become.